Ika Tried

Ika’s relationship with Amu was new but her equation with her other was that of cat and mouse!

Even when it seemed to be all okay, the other self of hers would pose a question or a doubt, that however irrelevant, still stung her like a thorn that broke inside the flesh. She tried, to succeed sometimes but succumbed mostly. A plain conversation became an argument and an argument invariably turned into a quarrel. She blamed Amu for having made her leave home. She blamed him on days that it rained, on days that the sun shone bright, on days she couldn’t sleep and on days she missed to wake in time to catch the sunrise!

In her world everything became tragic like the end of the world was near. And when they spoke rationally reasoning out things she ended up feeling guilty. Year after year, situation after situation, this was the one constant in their equation. They wanted to be together and hence started addressing it every few months. They would sit with a pen a paper. All that Eka had pent up, she would blurt it out without thinking. Amu was composed always. He was the mother in this equation, or in the lack of equation here.

It went on for a couple of years and this whole care taking, checking on moods, keeping tab of her low days made Amu tired. He started to withdraw a tad bit to regain his own senses which made Ika even more gloomy. So he dropped the withdrawal also. There were some happy moments in between where they shared a laugh or two. Amu loved Ika’s raw energy. She was brazen and very original. And that kept Amu amused always.

In between these many off and a few on moments they made the best of their memories. They grew together, sang together, cooked together. Had phases of loving a certain kind of music and food every few months. This was Amu’s way of keeping it exciting. Both thought they had made peace with the other.. both thought they were the compromising partner in this team and almost ended up making a referee out of their animal friends. On one such off day, Ika strolled a little too far and saw her father in the nearby village market. She froze! Not just out of fear though.

In a few moments she thought of the justifications she’d give and how she’d apologise. She anticipated his reaction and oscillated between softening and stiffening thinking of the possibilities standing there. What seemed like an eternity of thinking and analysing her next move was actually just a minute or two, when her father saw her too.

“My child! How, where, when.. ” he was torn between what to ask his daughter first. “How have you been?”, He finally asked.

She realized her mouth was agape for a while now and her lips had become dry. She squeezed her hands, tucked her lips in her mouth to moisten them and camouflaged her deep inhalation of breath for strength. And then she stood mute. She kept thinking for an answer her father would want to hear, but she had only one truth – she had not known happiness before she ran from home. She dared not say this to her father. Standing there she questioned her own self silently..

“but that is the truth. I had never known freedom or power of choice, or the thrill of not knowing where your next day will be. I hadn’t known the bliss of sleeping under the stars”, she thought and spoke, “I have been very very good pa! Never been better, and no thank you but I would not like to come back”. She answered a question her dad had not yet asked and felt embarrassed instantly. In a hurry she hugged him goodbye and ran back to Amu. All the while thinking of a faster way to reach to him.

She ran through the marshy meadows like she had someone chasing. She ran and as soon as she saw her destination approaching she screamed, “I love you Amu! I love love! I love us, thank you, thank you”. She kept repeating this until she saw Amu run towards her in worry. He could make out nothing of the muffled shaky screams and thought she’d seen something. Running towards one another they almost crashed into one another and fell on the ground. All muddy and gasping for breath, she looked at the sky and muttered slowly, “I love you Amu”.

“I know”, Amu said. And that is all he had to say.

“Do you?”, She asked.

“I am choosing to live with you for the past 6.5 years! Despite everything, I’m here! Physically present by your side, in your sadness and in your joy. When you say you hate me and when you stay quiet! Every moment, choosing you! Do I still need to say the petty words?” Amu asked without smiling, still looking at the sky.

“No! No you don’t” Ika giggled and rolled atop Amu like a child, snuggling her face in between his shoulder and neck.

“You need not say anything!”