The in-between moment @ 200kph free fall

Sitting at the edge of the airplane door at an altitude of 12000 ft, my self-preservation feelings had yet not overpowered my sanity. I was still okay, almost smiling in between sweating and fretting and freezing. The first one in the plane to be hanging out, waiting to jump, tied to my diving partner, I could gather courage to notice the photographer who had like a bird perched on the edge with just his hands clenching at the door edge. I looked back in to wave to my husband and had a fleeting thought that this could be the final one. (I love romanticising each moment in my life). He seemed way too busy jostling with his own straps and gear and that relaxed me a bit.. after all it was just another activity. Looking down I understood what the word panorama really meant and I felt weirdly envious of birds. Right under me were the bare black mountain peaks enveloping the beautiful blue lake Wakatipu in Queenstown, New Zealand. It had been cloudy the day before but today it was bright and sunny and I could not take my eyes off the mighty mountains that were now under me. Strong cold winds, blinding sunshine and the plane engine sound. (Looking back I wish they invent silent planes for diving) My diving partner started to swing me that’s when I noticed how small I was; for my short stature, my diving partner was way too tall at 6’4-5″. He swung me 3-4 times and threw me off. I wasn’t ready.. we flipped once after which I could finally open my eyes.. I had stopped breathing and could hear my heart aloud.. and I was screaming my lungs out.. no it wasn’t a scream of excitement.. it was plain feral call to be saved.. I was screaming, I felt the vibration of the sound but couldn’t hear a thing.. It was unreal, it was wrong.. had I known this feeling I would never have jumped.. err I would never have let him throw me. Free falling at 200kph, it was as if I would tear apart.. Struggling to keep my mouth closed, I gave in and let the air fill me up. It was the most beautiful sight and the scariest feeling ever… I sigh each time I think of it. The peaks were getting closer fast, and I could still not figure where we would land, there was just water everywhere under us.  I was told this free fall would last about 45 seconds but I’d been in this state for hours and it invoked a rush and then I gave up struggling. It was hard but I accepted the reality and I have never been more in the present than on that day.. I heard something like a large bird plummeting down.. it was our photographer, he came down to interact with me so I could give him some pictures. This was one decision I regretted.. should have gone without him. I did not want to smile, to interact or to even see another soul.. just as the realisation of his presence set in, I remembered I had a partner tied to my back. He had been trying to talk to me explaining to me in signs that it was time to get pulled back up again…. time to pull the chute cord. As I gave him a go I felt a strong jerk that pulled me back up in the air and that’s when he shook me to respond in words. No, there was nothing to say. Well being polite I did manage to say that I was fine… guess my tone told him to not ask further. We started to slowly float down and i recall seeing another diving pair go down faster than us, it was strange coz I was the first one to have jumped… About a minute before we touched ground we saw a cut, detached parachute float away and felt my partner’s panic. It wasn’t us, we were safe and he told me someone had it bad.. Apparently this one diver had his parachute entangled bad and had to be cut away to give way to the emergency parachute. OH MY GOD hadn’t there been enough to the day?? We slowly sailed back to green lush grounds, right in between the lake and the mountains and I had the photographer waiting to get my last feelings. I did manage to utter something.. I know coz I saw the recording later but at that moment I was numb until he told me to run to my husband.. Shocked, surprised, confused I wondered why.. and he said “his main parachute didn’t open and he came down on the emergency one, way close to the ground”. The floating chute I saw was his!! I couldn’t feel my legs but I ran to him. He was fine but his diver partner looked tense. We later got to know this was the first such instance. It could have been tragic. My goodbye could have been the last one.. I don’t bid people good byes like that anymore.. I flew like a bird for about 6 minutes of my life. I am looking forward to more such moments. Next I’ll go sea diving.